"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion." -Dale Carnegie

What is it about birthdays that makes us reevaluate everything? We get older everyday but the tangibility of an actual birthday is more concrete than the monotony of every day.  Yesterday was my 26^th birthday. Part of getting older, I think, is coming to terms with ourselves and those ugly flaws we can barely see around.  Even Hercules had a temper, right? Getting over that snaggle tooth and the spare tire that you just can’t change no matter how many crunches you do and Jillian Michaels workout videos you watch and think about trying.

I am a painfully extroverted person. I will talk to anyone about anything for an extended period of time. I am also really forgiving and often times not a good judge of character. I fall in love hard and fast and I set myself up to get hurt too much. Having my chest cracked open like this isn’t always good for me but it isn’t something I can just sew up myself. And lately, I’ve been wondering if I really want to. My most marked characteristic is my openness.I care very deeply about a lot of people and a lot of things and I don't want to stop doing that just because it doesn't always end well but I think I am learning to step back. Maybe this year will be about mastering the ability to give myself at least a single degree of separation for my own emotional preservation.

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul." -Henry Ward Beecher

While I'm not quite ready to share my thesis outside of the protective sphere of my academic bubble, I would like to share my greatest thanks page. So many people and places and factors have come together in an almost magical fashion to make it possible for me to finish it. It seems unfair to myself and to everyone somehow involved, to leave these things tucked away withing a massive paper I'm still holding closer to myself that I originally intended.

Special Thanks…
…to my husband, Guy, for acting as a sounding board even when you had no idea what I was talking about and providing an endless supply of coffee and foot rubs. If that’s not love, I’m not sure what is.
…to my daughter, Harper, for allowing me to once again see books from a child’s perspective, being the Tinkerbell to my Peter Pan, and reminding me to embrace whimsy at every possible opportunity.
…to my parents for supporting me in every possible way and referring to me as your “forever student” with pride and affection.
…to my brother, Spencer, for being my study buddy, dragging me out of my cave for our Tuesday night movie dates and the countless Star Wars marathons.
...to my family, by blood and by choice, for saving me from my intellectual insecurities, fielding late night text messages, and encouraging me to do the stuff that makes my heart beat a little faster.
…to my professors, for imparting your knowledge and providing a learning environment that allowed me to find my calling within the honorable profession of librarianship.
…to my fellow Spartans, for sharing your lives, your studies, your aspirations, and your distinct viewpoints with me.
…to all the authors who created the characters I fell in love with, for giving me friends when I had none, worlds to visit from inside the walls of my bedroom, and books worth protecting.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. ~Anne Lamott

Harper,
You still shock me. That you live and breathe and laugh and cry startles me. Soon I will be finished with my master's degree and I will have to get a job. I know it is for the best; I want to give you everything you need and those things you so desperately want, at least the ones that will give you opportunities to do what you love and be. Despite this, I find that I am already mourning the loss of our seemingly endless time together. These last 26 1/2 months have been such a graceful thing full of many many mistakes on my part, but more so a lot of learning. I still don't know what I'm doing and for that I feel the need to apologize. For better or worse, you are the first (maybe only) child which mean every single day is uncharted territory. We try to do our best, even if that means one too many time outs. My patience runs thin, sometimes I bark at you instead of biting my tongue. Secretly, your insolence delights me. I'm not sure I will feel the same way when you are 15 and not quite as innocent, but for now I frequently find my mouth quirking as I scold your bad behavior. You are stubborn but I think someday that will be an asset. Every time you do something "bull-headed" someone undoubtedly turns to me and says "I wonder where she gets that from" and of course they blame me but I find pleasure in knowing that you will stick up for yourself, the people you love and the things which you believe in.

We start each day as a new thing, fresh and palpable, knowing that so much can be in a short amount of time and that time it turns out is  more of a gift than sometimes realized. Lately I find myself spending more time ignoring the other things I need to do so I can hold you. It not a sacrifice, just a fact. Someday, you will outgrow my lap. At the rate you are growing, you are going to be a least a few inches taller than me. Even so, I hope you are never too old to crawl into bed next to me. Next week you are spending a week bouncing back and forth between both sets of grandparents. A week. What was I thinking when I agreed to that? Well, I was thinking I need to finish my thesis. I'm pretty sure its the last time anyone will have you to themselves for an extended period of time. Time is fleeting- cliche but also true. Four years ago you were a thought, a whisper in the dark about baby clothes. Three years ago you were a poppy seed just beginning to be. Two years ago you were a newborn baby, still fresh and folded up with the memory of life on the inside. One year ago you were just learning to really walk, unsteady at first, but more sure of yourself everyday. Now, you are you and you tell me what you need, who you are what you love and what you don't. Please know, I love you desperately, more than I ever thought I could love a single person and I want everything for you.